To Whom I Owe A Lot

A letter to …

I don’t know how to say this best, and I don’t know if the words I chose will convey how sorry I am for losing you. I remember the first time I heard you talk. I was inspired, I wanted to be you. I was eager to learn what being you felt like. The peace you carried in your voice, the depth of your words and the beauty of your gestures, the kindness in your eyes and the patience you practiced.

I also remember the last time I met you. I probably didn’t understand it then. What had happened and why it had happened? I questioned it for years. It was devastating to think that I had caused pain which ended up being the reason to this distance. I never meant to hurt you, but I do understand that you were right.

You were right when you noticed the evil in me and I understand that you had to protect yourself. I might not have been in your shoes then, but now I am and I know what you felt.

I want you to know that I didn’t do it and I wouldn’t have used your name to get into any situation which would hurt your respect. I respected you with all my heart and I always will.

You were the person I thought I could share it with. The only one I could tell my life to, I could open up to you but I couldn’t and I didn’t and yet you read right through me.

Your last words to me still ring in my ears, and they have saved me from a million sins that you and I both know I was capable of. When you told me that, “if your sins are hidden, it’s Allah who put a veil on them, and you have no right to unveil them.” And I will not. I will never unveil them.